Why do you write?
I'm not sure. I was thinking about this when I got up at 10.30am this morning. I was still thinking about it 30 minutes later in the café over my bacon and eggs and I know I'll now be thinking about it all afternoon over that long lunch I'm having with my agent. If I come up with the answer I'll drop you a line. If I can.
Where do you write?
I write at home, at my desk, looking out from my window over Green Lanes. It's how I spend my days when I'm not meeting my agent or researching beer.
Of the books you have written, do you have a favourite?
I'm a real fickle lemon in that I always think the last book I wrote is better than everything that's come before it, but I know this isn't true, because if it were, surely I'd be improving. As things stand, I do have a real soft spot for School For Scumbags, as I think the story has a really nice feel to it. And before you ask, it's not the last book I wrote.
Which book would you make compulsory reading?
The Highway Code. Everyone should have to read this book at least once a week.
If you had to choose one book to take to a desert island, what would it be?
Survive Safely Anywhere: The SAS Survival Guide
Which book would you like to see filmed?
Either an updated multi-million-dollar version of Day of the Triffids or The Kraken Wakes. Basically, anything by John Wyndham. As long as they're true to the books though.
What is your favourite word?
Reread The Burglar Diaries, then get back to me.
What was the happiest moment of your life?
Now's pretty great to be honest. I'm getting married in a couple of months time, I've got half a dozen books published, my first sitcom's coming out in January and I just saw some fat bloke trip over a loose paving slab while looking out on Green Lanes. It's good to be me.
What makes you laugh?
Turns of phrase, euphemisms and expressions. It's all in the language for me. Well, that and fat blokes tripping over loose paving slabs, obviously. Right on his face he went.
Who would play you in a movie of your life?
I don't know, but whoever it was, I'm sure they'd change half their lines and tell me their character wouldn't do that stuff in the script. Aren't actors great?